Murder is Immoral
by WinterSky101
Summary: Courfeyrac gets Marius and Cosette to watch Woody Allen's "Love and Death." Chaos ensues. Cosette/Marius, a tiny bit of background Courfeyrac/Combeferre. Modern AU.


**I honestly don't know. I watched _Love and Death_ and loved it, and I wanted to write a cute, fluffy little fic that had no real point, and how can you resist writing about Marius and Cosette watching a Woody Allen movie?**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Les Mis or _Love and Death_.**

* * *

The movie Courfeyrac had loaned them looked fairly unassuming. It wasn't in its case; Courfeyrac claimed to have lost it and had put it in a basic CD case instead. It just seemed to be a normal, innocent movie. Knowing Courfeyrac, it was probably anything but.

"What's the movie called again?" Marius asked, looking at the DVD as if it were about to explode. Cosette gently picked it up and looked at it.

"It says _Love and Death_," she replied. "Courf said it was a Woody Allen movie, right?"

"Should we look it up?" Marius asked. Cosette stared at the movie, then at the DVD player.

"Should we just try it?" she asked. Marius winced. "Then again," Cosette added, "after what happened with that gay porno" - Marius' face went bright red, just as it had when it turned out the teacher and the student in the movie didn't have a strictly professional relationship - "perhaps we should just check the rating, at least."

"Good idea," Marius replied, sounding relieved. "And I can text Combeferre. He'll tell us if it's a good movie or not."

"Good idea," Cosette replied. "He can at least control his boyfriend a bit." No one could really control Courfeyrac, but Combeferre probably came the closest to having that coveted ability. Cosette assumed it had something to do with their relationship.

Marius pulled out his phone and sent a text out to Combeferre. Meanwhile, Cosette reached out to grab her laptop and put "love and death movie" into Google. According to that, the movie had a 100% on RottenTomatoes, which Cosette didn't think she'd ever seen before. She watched a quick trailer, which really just seemed to be a montage of clips from the movie, and had to admit that, as loath as she was to agree with Courfeyrac on things, it did look like a good movie.

"Combeferre says the movie isn't a p-p-p..." Marius stuttered, apparently unable to say the word porno. "It's not an unsavory movie," he said instead.

"It's got a 100% on RottenTomatoes, and the trailer looks good," Cosette replied. Marius picked up the movie, still with a slightly frightened look on his face.

"Are we sure this is really the movie?" he asked. Cosette took it from his hands, opening the case.

"There's only one way to find out."

"Are you sure?" Marius asked as Cosette put the DVD in. Cosette took the remote and hit play.

"Here's hoping," she said. Marius crossed his fingers. The title appeared and both of them heaved a huge sigh of relief as the words _Love and Death_ appeared on the screen.

"So unless Courfeyrac found a porno called Love and Death, we're safe," Cosette stated. Marius blushed, but nodded.

As the movie began, Cosette had to admit that it didn't look like a porno. It actually looked like a funny movie. That worried Cosette a little, actually, because if this weren't a porno, then she couldn't think why Courfeyrac would have given it to them to watch. Most people would give a friend a movie to watch because they enjoyed it, but Courfeyrac was not one of those people. His favorite pastime was messing with his friends. Once Courfeyrac cared enough to mess with you that much, it meant you were true friends. That was flattering, on one hand, but extremely obnoxious on the other.

When they started talking about the Napoleonic wars, Marius immediately jerked forward with interest. It soon became clear that the characters in the film weren't Bonapartists, but Cosette still found it amusing. From the look on Marius' face, he was a little more unnerved by the anti-Napoleon behavior, but he still seemed to like the movie overall. His obsession with Napoleon was slightly ridiculous sometimes - some ancestor of his had fought in the Napoleonic wars and had been made a baron, which Marius was very proud of - but Cosette lived with it. She was happy when the Napoleon part ended, however, since she didn't know how much longer Marius would have been able to take it. The duel was hilarious and Boris' marriage to Sonja seemed sweet. Cosette couldn't figure out what it was that Courfeyrac wanted to bother them with. Yes, Marius had turned bright red at the few sex jokes, but if that was Courfeyrac's aim, he could have done a much better job of it.

"What do you think of the movie so far?" she asked Marius when he paused it to get a drink.

"It's funny," Marius replied, sounding almost cautious. "It was nice of Courfeyrac to loan it to us."

"Very nice," Cosette replied. There was silence for a moment.

"Are you waiting for the other shoe to drop?" Cosette asked.

"Oh, definitely," Marius replied quickly.

They started the movie again to find that Napoleon had invaded Russia again. Marius laughed at the jokes about fleeing, however, so Cosette assumed it wouldn't be a problem.

She was wrong.

_"Let's assassinate Napoleon!"_ Sonja cried.

Marius' drink sprayed out a good five feet.

* * *

**Text to Courfeyrac:** courf you complete ass

**Text to Courfeyrac:** marius wouldn't watch past the part where sonja said they should assassinate napoleon

**Text to Courfeyrac:** he says he doesn't understand why someone would want to do that

**Text to Courfeyrac:** he wants you to take your movie back

**Text to Courfeyrac:** i was enjoying the movie you bastard

**Text to Cosette:** HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

**Text to Cosette:** I KNEW IT

**Text to Cosette: **sorry not sorry

**Text to Cosette:** do u want to come over and watch the rest w/me?

**Text to Courfeyrac:** no i'm angry with you

**Text to Cosette:** :(

**Text to Cosette:** pretty please?

**Text to Courfeyrac:** no

**Text to Courfeyrac:** i'm gonna kill you asshole

**Text to Cosette:** murder is immoral

**Text to Cosette:** that is, in a rational scheme of perception

**Text to Courfeyrac:** OH DON'T QUOTE THE MOVIE AT ME YOU JERK

**Text to Cosette:** oh come oooooon

**Text to Cosette:** ferre will make hot cocoa

**Text to Cosette:** we'll make real popcorn

**Text to Cosette:** u can help pop it and everything

**Text to Cosette:** ferre loves the movie we can all watch it together

**Text to Cosette:** we can snuggle on the couch u love snuggling

**Text to Cosette:** and u get ferre's hot cocoa

**Text to Cosette:** u know u can't say no to ferre's hot cocoa

**Text to Courfeyrac:** ...

**Text to Courfeyrac:** damn you

**Text to Courfeyrac:** i'll be there in five

**Text to Cosette:** :) :) :) :) :)


End file.
